Ways to Annoy the Inheritance Characters
by UnbrokenVirginRealities
Summary: Comedy/ Parody. I was bored.
1. Chapter 1

How to Annoy Arya

Sing the Wedding March anytime she talks to Eragon.

Make a show of repeatedly creeping up behind her with a pair of scissors, and try to cut her hair off.

Ask her if she's a lesbian.

Ask her to practise swordfighting with you, then stand stock-still when she wants to begin.

Whenever she says something, grab a megaphone and shout in a very loud, deep voice "THE PRINCESS HAS SPOKEN."

Ask her to learn the Soulja Boy dance with you. When she refuses, run away crying.

Hide a strap-on in her tent, and make sure it is in full view of any visitors.

Paint her stuff neon.

Dye her hair ginger when she's asleep.

When she says something, repeat it in an unemotional robot voice.

Enquire as to her sexual health.

Tell her Eragon had a wet dream about her.

How to Annoy Eragon

Tell him to make his fucking mind up about what species he is.

Claim you stabbed Saphira to death when she's hunting, and watch him shit himself and look for her.

Keep him on his toes by firing arrows at him unexpectedly.

Pull his tent down when he's washing, revealing his underparts to the whole Varden.

Spread rumours that he and Nasuada were caught doing something very improper in her command tent.

Scream "AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! GALBATORIX IS HERE!!!!" and when he comes running out, tell him it's OK, it was just a bird.

Sing "Discovery Channel" whenever Arya is nearby.

Tell Roran that Eragon shagged Katrina, and watch Roran chase Eragon around the Varden camp. Then, when Eragon is sufficiently bruised, tell Roran it was a joke. And that it was Eragon's idea, and he was counting on being faster than Roran.

Ask if he's gay.

Ask if he wants Saphira. In that way.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Thank you to my reviewers, glad you liked it. In response to Raincatcher, I shall indeed do Murtagh next. Peace.

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Ways to Annoy Murtagh

Tell him Thorn's retarded.

Ask if Galbatorix is taking advantage of him....sexually.

Ask why he's not as awesome as Eragon.

Ask if he's hiding a teeny-weeny behind Zar'roc.

Decorate all his stuff with pink fluff.

Throw stuff at him when he tries to speak.

Attack him unexpectedly, such as when he's asleep.

Replace Zar'roc with a toy lightsaber.

Tell him to get over his pity party.

Tell him Shruikan ate Thorn.

Make all his food into smiley faces, rainbows and hearts.

Handcuff him to his bed.

How to Annoy Angela

Hide half of her huthvir.

Buy her straighteners.

Be offended when she doesn't know how to use them.

Tell her Solembum has furballs, and that he coughed one up in her herb jars.

Pretend to be a ninja around her.

As if she has retrograde amnesia, and that's why she won't tell anyone anything about her.

When she makes tea, or a potion, dance around her singing "Hubble bubble, Toil and Trouble."

Dye her blue.

Decorate her tent entirely in pink.

Ask Elva to say "But whhhyyyyyyyyyy?" whenever Angela asks her to do something.

Accuse her of having a secret fling with Jormundur.

Get Eragon to drop a few chat-up lines to her.

Accuse her of child abuse when she's flattered.


	3. Chapter 3

Nasuada

Go into the command tent and start gangsta rapping, then tell her she should know what you're on about.

Give her a Fellaini wig (Everton fans will know what I mean. For those not in the know, it's a very bushy Afro.)

Tell her Fadawar wants a rematch.

Mimic everything she says in a high-pitched, shrill voice.

Challenge her to an arm-wrestle.

Ask if she secretly wants Eragon in bed.

Ask if she has an Urgal fetish.

Don't believe her when she says no.

Ask if Roran's whipping turned her on.

Have a rave in her tent just before she turns in for the night.

Try to continue around her.

Ask why she's not married. Accuse her of being a lesbian.

Tell her it was Elva's idea.

Do bunny-ears behind her head when she's having a conference with important people.

Likewise funny faces.

Sing "Jizz in My Pants" when she tries to speak.

Oromis

Steal Naegling. Sell it.

Try to sell Glaedr to a pawn shop. Or the RSPCA.

Buy him a walking stick, and tell him to take the fucking hint.

Draw a moustache and monobrow on him while he's asleep. In Sharpie.

Play deafening rave music to wake him up.

Tell him to grow a pair when he gets all wise on you.

Buy him a shellsuit and be offended when he doesn't wear it.

Ask him if he "Jizzed in His Pants." Explain when he misunderstands. In graphic detail.

Every time he speaks "JIZZ IN MY PANTS!!"

Try to teach him to breakdance. And gangsta rap.

Call him a pimp.

Walk around stark-naked and accuse him of perving on you.

Dress him up as a Goth.

Backcomb his hair in his sleep.

Call him a paedo.

Ask him to dress up as a gangsta with you for Hallowe'en.

Post pictures on Facebook.

Tie him in a straitjacket and get Eragon.

Spread rumours that he's actually a woman.


	4. Chapter 4

Islanzadi

Refer to her as he Wise Woman of the Forest.

Replace all her clothes with S&M gear.

Buy her a skateboard and Vans.

Sing "Jump" by Flo-Rida at her.

Spray-tan her in her sleep.

Come on to her.

Pretend everything she says is a sexual innuendo. Call her a dirty bitch, giggle and run away.

Make sure she finds you stood next to a huge tree with a chainsaw. Then rip it to life.

Send her to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. When she asks why, say "We're all so worried."

Sing "Dick In A Box" for her.

Ask if she's on benefits seeing as she's a single mother.

Buy her a load of lingerie.

End everything she says with "..and I JIZZED IN MY PANTS."

Ask how her sex life is, then say she has a vagina like a hippo's yawn. Ask if there's bats living up there.

Shave her hair off, and tell everyone she's having a mid-life crisis.

Decorate her room with silly string.

Orik

Put height limits on EVERYTHING.

Buy him stilts.

Bend down to speak to him.

When he says something, look around and pretend to search the floor.

Shave his beard off.

Tell him Hvedra's actually a lesbian and/or cheating on him.

Call him ginger.

Call him "Bollock" instead of Orik.

Buy him condoms, and tell him the facts of life.

Whenever he sees Hvedra say "BOOOONNNNNEEEERRRR!!!!!"

Have a huge rave in his tent just before a battle.

Hide his armour and weapons.

Tell him dwarfism is a disease among humans.

Buy him an AK47 then don't tell him how it works.

Tell everyone he's scared of Saphira.

Ask if his height corresponds to the size of his penis.


End file.
